One Wish

We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true. - Grey's Anatomy, Season 5 Episode 11: Wish You Were Here

Maybe that's why I wish for him so much. He was too big for me. He was someone who I can't seem to reach. Someone who I look up to and just stare because I cannot say anything. I can't seem to have the right to say what I really feel about him. He is this person who I adore so much I'd do anything not to ruin what we have. That's why I keep everything inside me. My head would start talking and talking and I just can't let them out because I feel that if I do, I would just scare him away. Because I feel so small and so helpless that the only thing I can do is to just stare at him and listen to his stories, and just wish that I could say 'I missed you', 'I'm sorry you feel sad', 'I'm here for you'; 'I care about you', 'You look so nice today', 'I need you', 'I wish you could stay a little bit longer', 'I love you so..'; or that maybe I can hug him like what I typically do when I say goodbye to our friends; or I could comfort him when he's sad; or I could kiss him goodnight; or kiss him goodbye; or just be beside him whenever I need and want to. 


But I can't do or say any of that. I can't reach him. I just feel like I can't. And I'm really sad right now and I wish he could be here..