Is it strange to be out somewhere hiding from the world where you have always loved and felt warm and happy and all sorts of crazy wonderful exciting feelings?
If that is, then I am strange.
For whatever reason that still I am trying to clear even to myself, I know that I am doing THIS because there will be something good that I can get from this. I am not doing penance or something, I am doing this:
Have you ever thought atleast once in your life that maybe those whom you call “friends”, don’t actually consider you as their friend? Or that maybe your “buddies”/”friends” don’t really have that much patience to deal with you whenever you need them.
Well, I did. So many unbelievable times before, actually. And now, I am back to that thought again. I might just be getting crazy or paranoid but as Dr. Montgomery said, ‘When you start obsessing about something, you know there’s a reason.’ And for that, maybe there is something to obsess about.
I obsess about wondering why they act like this or that; or why they lied to me; or why did they hide those little things from me; or why do I always feel like they are only there when they need my favor, not me, my favor/help/support/thethingIdesperatelyneedandnotwantrightnow.
It’s been days. I think it’ll soon be a week in a couple of days. It is really painful for me doing this, but you know what, sometimes we need to do something for our own self.My free pass to selfishness and to being pathetic.
Okay. that’s enough. I have said enough.
Now, I can focus on studying. This has become a major distraction for me, so please God, take away those thoughts for a while. Thank you.
(written and posted on : Dec. 10. 2011)
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