Seeing him yesterday, tonight, and right now feels both sinfully joyful and quite literally painful.
He said he doesn’t want anymore of that girl and then I realize that maybe he was saying the same exact thing I was saying way back when I knew that he liked someone else and still continue acting all crazy for me when we find ourselves alone within each other’s reach. I may be assuming right now but the way he would wait for his phone to light up whenever that unmistakingly interesting person responds to his undoubtedly enthusiastic message.
He was never a fan of sms as I have known him for so many years. But like the weather, he changes so noticeably whenever he finds interest in someone who I am/we are quite sure returns the same enthusiasm as his. I wasn’t suppose to feel so eeringly jealous and crazy about this fact, and though I may say that I am feeling a little of this, the dilemma is about that one single fact that almost all of us doesn’t want to encounter, is that he sometimes acts as if I am a mere stranger to him or as if I do not exist. It hurts so bad that I often resolve to hurting of what’s left of my being.
It’s 5.03 in the morning and still some of us are still awake, doing something that will lift their spirits despite their own heartaches and heartbreaks. I am done with that for this night/day. I’m too weary and tired.
An old friend told me just a few minutes before he went to his blissful goodnights rest that I have a strong personality and that ‘that person’ should not make me fragile as I have been for months.
I just smiled and thought this must have been the real meaning of love, quite an understatement though. It feels good to be able to finally understand what movies always say about love.
But like any other good luck, payment will always have its way, it is, at the same time, genuinely painful.
(written and posted on : Dec. 28. 2011)
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