Well, I do care. I’m miserable, alright. And when I am miserable, I get sentimental and deep and stupid and insane— and a lot more if you’d want to know. So, if you are reading this, then it is you’re lucky day, my friend! You just got yourself in a world of despair and darkness and all that creepy stuff cynical people see of their world— well, maybe not that intense. Whatever.
Anyway…
Why this? Why stars? You’d ask, of course. You know, we would see a star somewhere during the night sky alone, showing off its shine, and captivating every single person in this planet with its beauty without having to share the attention to other stars since there’s no else but that one lonely star. I’ve seen those multiple times but two nights ago.. and it came to me.
I started wondering why it was alone. Why she was alone. There are millions and billions of them out there but still no one had seem to wake up to be with her. Well, she seem to have every advantage by being alone. No need to share the attention of those who watch her from the ground. A perfect time to show off her beam. She got freedom. But is she happy with that? Is it enough to not need somebody else to be with? Yes, she glitters and twinkles her light so that people could see her beauty but do you still think that she is happy? Content? Not at all for me..
She is always alone. Enjoyed every benefit at first but one night, she felt lonely. Determined enough to find a friend or companion, she shows herself early to make sure she catches everyone when they arise. She failed. Still determined, she went up rather late than the last time assuming that everybody will stay for long hours and wait for the sun to wake up. And, again, she failed. She would do this over and over hoping that she’ll get the right time and find anyone on that clear night sky.
One night, she did not went away. Stayed as long as the sun sets and rises. For the first time, she was not alone. Doing the same routine a few times more and then stopped. She stopped and thought for a moment. She is not happy. No one really knows who she really is. No one asked. No one cared. Though, she’d given everything of which she would not normally share with anybody else. Still, no one returned the favor. No one chased her back. Then she turned vapid. Flat. Dull. Keeping in a low light while trying to figure out what she’d do to have at least one permanent companion. Deciding whether to do something right away or just keep up and wait for somebody..someone to ask her. Until she became less and less hopeful. Exhausted. Careless. Lifeless. And came back to where she always belong, to being alone.
Everyone wears out. We get tired. We get disappointed. We feel despair. It sucks, really, that we have tried so hard, even doing beyond our limits, just to induce ourselves with happiness. Happiness is life— that is what our human brain is basically inclined to think and feel. It is a necessity so we can function normally. But if happiness isn’t there, we become lifeless. And to make it worse, we can still feel pain. I know, we should not feel anything at all when we become lifeless. However, there is pain in darkness. We may be blinded by darkness but that sense of being alone in that wide open space is a lot more terrifying than being alone in a windowless dark room. Feeling pain is exhausting. It can make us stop doing our habits. We vent by doing the most senseless things we haven’t done before. We keep ourselves from those who are willing enough to share our pain because we feel that we might infect them with our sadness. It is horrifying— the misery. Instead of making us find a way to fight it, pain pushes us down even more.
Until, we find ourselves at the very begginning with much less hope… less brighter than we were before.
(written and posted on : Oct. 12. 2011)
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